Unity, What State Is It In?

The state of the union is on tonight and if you planned on watching it don't waste your time. I can summarize it for you right here.
First the president will make a few dubious claims about adding jobs and growing the economy.
Then he will remind us there is still a global war on terror and that we are still committed to it. He will cite at least one assassination and the vague results from a few bombing campaigns to help you forget it is a war without end.
Then he will talk about our commitment to education. If America is to remain on the forefront of technology and what not we will need to educate our children. His recommendation will probably be more college loans.Loans which will ensure the children of the leaders of the institutions that issue the get a far better education than your children.
Ok, so that must have taken about a minute and a half to read as opposed to an entire hour or however long it is. You're welcome. 
I'm sure this didn't really answer any of your questions and neither will the state of the union. This version is just more concise. So how are things going really?
Well, globalization has really made the state of the union an outdated tradition. We live in a highly complex integrated global society! In other words, we are the world. Now the favored buzz words of analyst, pundits, and the clueless is progress. What kind of progress are we making? Good question!
Well, on the home front it was a good year for gun manufacturers. Their sales are way up and thanks to the escapades of the military there seems to be plenty of contracts to go around.
A number of diseases once thought eradicated are now making comebacks thanks to lack of ability to pay in some parts of the world, and in our own little asylum thanks to a growing movement of people who see vaccines as some kind of conspiracy to make children autistic. To what ends, I have no idea. 
Just keep this rejection of science in mind it is a hallmark of the failing society.
Europe's getting really interesting. The former Eastern bloc countries are welcoming in NATO firepower who for whatever reason seem to be keen on surrounding Russia and instead of working towards that lofty goal of a world without nuclear weapons the United States and Russia are both projected to spend hundreds of billions of dollars over the next decade upgrading these arsenals. So that should give us all something to look forward to.
Oh, and let's not forget the growing popularity of far right-wing parties, and the surging hatred of immigrants. This is so prevalent now Germany's answer to housing refugees is refurbished concentration camps. How progressive! 
Japan has decided to up its military budget and lift its ban on nuclear weapons. Sounds like they know which way progress is heading.
In China, the rivers are turning red, birds are falling out of the sky, and the sun is no longer visible in certain cities. If you want to know about China just read the book of revelations. It paints a similar picture.
Africa is well...still Africa 
Antarctica is a few years away from simply not existing. The good new is there will be oil to drill for and a new passageway for international trade! Which will give the submarines something to do once these countries go to war. 
The best example of progress right now, and by progress I mean the forward momentum towards the future is probably Greece and the Ukraine which are quickly falling back into the dark ages.
So what's the good news? What forward strides has humanity made? All this information is now easily accessible from your Galaxy 5 or Iphone 6!